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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

‘Amazing Race Canada’ Contestants Super Excited to Fly Over Manitoba Yet Again

August 31, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After visiting every small town in the Canadian Rockies this season, Amazing Race Canada participants opened their envelopes to discover they’d be flying right over Manitoba this week. “Oooh, where are we going […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Historians Unearth the Mysterious Origins of the Farmer Sausage Burger

August 30, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After securing a grant from the Plett Foundation and assembling a team that includes renowned historians Aileen Friesen, Ben Nobbs-Thiessen, Andrea Klassen, and Janis Thiessen, researchers have finally solved a mystery that had […]

Unger Suspicion

CTV to Require All Women to Wear Modest Mennonite Head Coverings

August 29, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After apparently firing anchor Lisa LaFlamme for showcasing her stunning grey hair, the new white dude in charge of CTV News has decided to ban female employees from showing off any hair at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Girls Have Got Those Old ‘Back to Home School’ Blues

August 28, 2022 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE It’s back to home school time for Bethany, Anne, Erin, Susie, Sally, Melissa, and Taylor Friesen of Henderson, Nebraska. The Friesen girls have finished all their back to home school shopping and now […]

Unger Suspicion

Beach Boys Record New Hit: “I Wish They All Could Be Chihuahua Girls”

August 27, 2022 Andrew

HAWTHORNE, CA Renowned 60s surf-rock artists The Beach Boys, who will now be going by the name The Beach Benjels, have reunited to record a fresh new hit entitled “Chihuahua Girls.” The Daily Bonnet has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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