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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Experts Now Say Schmaunt Fat Leaked from Lab in Winkler

March 6, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Experts are now saying the explosion of delicious schmaunt fat over the last few years did not arrive naturally but likely originated from a top secret laboratory in Mrs. Froese’s summer kitchen. “Oba, […]

The Daily Bonnet

5 Mennonite Surnames that Sound Naughty But Aren’t

March 5, 2023 Andrew

It was all the way back in 1536 when Menno Simons sat down and wrote out all the rules for his new denomination, which included, of course, adult baptism, bland food, and a set of […]

The Daily Bonnet

“I don’t not love Winkler,” says Michael B. Jordan

March 4, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB In a rarely-seen clip that was cut from the TV broadcast, Hollywood superstar Michael B. Jordan claimed he doesn’t “not love Winkler,” this according to Mr. Plett who’s been telling everyone about at […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Bans TikTok From All Devices … But Only the Dancing Videos

March 3, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB The Southern La Crete MEMMCBM church has decided the risk of youth watching dance videos is too great and thus TikTok must be banned. “But we’re not killjoys or something. The dancing […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s is Launching Farmer Sausage Big Mac Across Canada

March 2, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC After the roaring success of the new chicken-variation on a Big Mac, McDonald’s is now looking to combine even more unconventional meats  with their signature overly soft buns and their not-so-secret sauce. “The […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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