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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Becomes Mennonite Just for the Jokes

July 17, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Area man and budding comedian Darryl Harris, 41, has taken up membership at his local Mennonite church just so he can tell all the jokes without retribution. “I love the one about how […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Distributes Free Manure

July 16, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON This Sunday morning, the local Church of God (Revolution) will be generously handing out free manure for people’s gardens and flower beds. “Bring your own wheelbarrows, because there’s going to be a lot […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Left in Awkward Position After Neighbouring Passenger Falls Asleep on His Shoulder

July 15, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN On a flight from South Bend to New York City this week, local man Arthur Yoder was left in a really awkward position after a neighbouring passenger fell asleep on the Mennonite man’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends All Day Fighting with Automatic Paper Towel Dispenser

July 14, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Mr. Eby of Waterloo spent more than 6 hours at his local Walmart this afternoon trying to get the automatic paper towel dispenser to recognize him. “It’s worse than milking a cow,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Taco Bell Purchases John Coltrane Catalogue for $200 Million

July 13, 2022 Andrew

IRVINE, CA In an effort to attract a more sophisticated audience, fast food giant Taco Bell is in talks to purchase the music catalogues of jazz legends Bill Evans, Charles Mingus, and John Coltrane. “A […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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