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Articles by Andrew

Daily Bonnet

5 Mennonite Swear Words that Make No Sense

February 19, 2023 Andrew

Mennonites are not very good at swearing. I mean, look at what passes for profanity around these parts. Dietschlaunt – I’m not sure when “Germany” became a swear word. If it originated around WWII, I guess […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Worried Trudeau is Trying to Seize their Buns

February 18, 2023 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba have been greatly distressed over the past few months upon hearing the news that Trudeau is planning to take away their buns. “Ach! That Trudeau! This is exactly what […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Star Wars Film to Feature Strange Mysterious Creatures from a Galaxy Far Far Away Called Steinbach

February 17, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In a press conference near MJ’s Kafe this week, famed Star Wars producer George Lucas announced that the new installment in the Star Wars saga will feature the “strangest creatures ever known: Steinbachers.” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Men Clamour to Buy Discount Flowers Two Days After Valentine’s Day

February 16, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Romantic Mennonite men across the Fraser Valley flocked to the mall this afternoon to get their hands on cheap flowers and discount chocolates. “Ahh, honey, you shouldn’t have!” said Mrs. Enns, giving her […]

Unger Suspicion

Bruce Springsteen to Finally Experience a Winnipeg Winter

February 15, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB More than 50 years into his career, rock icon Bruce Springsteen will finally be experiencing a Winnipeg winter later this year and local fans are excited at the prospect. “We’ve been trying to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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