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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

CTV to Require All Women to Wear Modest Mennonite Head Coverings

August 29, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After apparently firing anchor Lisa LaFlamme for showcasing her stunning grey hair, the new white dude in charge of CTV News has decided to ban female employees from showing off any hair at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Girls Have Got Those Old ‘Back to Home School’ Blues

August 28, 2022 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE It’s back to home school time for Bethany, Anne, Erin, Susie, Sally, Melissa, and Taylor Friesen of Henderson, Nebraska. The Friesen girls have finished all their back to home school shopping and now […]

Unger Suspicion

Beach Boys Record New Hit: “I Wish They All Could Be Chihuahua Girls”

August 27, 2022 Andrew

HAWTHORNE, CA Renowned 60s surf-rock artists The Beach Boys, who will now be going by the name The Beach Benjels, have reunited to record a fresh new hit entitled “Chihuahua Girls.” The Daily Bonnet has […]

Unger Suspicion

In Solidarity with Lisa LaFlamme, Restaurant to Put One Grey Hair in Every Bowl of Chili

August 26, 2022 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON In an act of incredible bravery and profound solidarity with recently ousted CTV anchor Lisa LaFlamme, one local restaurant will be replacing the occasional brown or blonde hair in their famous bowls of […]

Unger & Thirst

Paper Straw Totally Disintegrates Before Mennonite Man Gets to the Bottom of His Papsi

August 24, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Art Brandt, 58, was enjoying a Papsi and Ravel at his favourite local burger joint this past week, when he discovered they were now offering paper straws instead of the ones […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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