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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Accidentally Set Off Fireworks 3 Days Early

July 1, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Residents of Sumas, Washington were completely baffled by the huge display of fireworks over the border in Abbotsford, BC this evening. “What are they doing? Practicing?” pondered Mrs. Schmidt of Sumas. “They had […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Buys Out Last Year of Pastor’s $40,000 Contract

June 30, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Abe Wieler, 36-year-old former pastor and floor hockey coach of Southeast Winnipeg Mennonite, will not be returning to captain the church next year after the church bought out his contract. “It’s going to […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Enters Sanctuary Hidden in a Broom Cart

June 28, 2023 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN The rumours are true. Video footage confirms this week that Mountain Lake’s most popular pastor Tyler Schmidt sneaks into the sanctuary each Sunday hidden in a broom cart. “Tyleeeeer! Tyleeeer!” screamed Mountain […]

The Daily Bonnet

MrBeast Offers Contestants $606,000 to Live Like a Mennonite for One Week

June 27, 2023 Andrew

HOLMES COUNTY, OH In his most outrageous stunt yet, YouTuber MrBeast offered contestants more than $600,000 to whoever could live an authentic Mennonite life for a whole week. “We had applicants from all over and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Diapers Hold Up Well for Area Woman at Taylor Swift Concert

June 26, 2023 Andrew

MINNEAPOLIS, MN Area woman Sandy Penner says her diapers made it through the entire 3 hour Taylor Swift concert this weekend in Minneapolis. “I actually put them on in Winnipeg when we started the road […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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