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Articles by Andrew

Unger the Influence

Congress Hire Mennonites to Shun George Santos

December 2, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After voting to expel corrupt House Representative George Santos this week, Congress has recruited a few folks who were experts in using social rejection as a form of punishment – Mennonites. “We don’t […]

Unger the Influence

Nobel Peace Prize to Be Renamed ‘Henry Kissinger Memorial Award’

November 30, 2023 Andrew

OSLO, NORWAY After the passing of everyone’s favourite war criminal this week, the Nobel committee in Oslo has decided to solidify the mistake they made in 1973 by renaming the Nobel Peace Prize as the […]

Unger & Thirst

New ‘Import Store’ to Sell Bland Canadian Food in Mexico

November 29, 2023 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO  Inspired by all the Mexican import stores that have peppered the Canadian prairies, local entrepreneur Lenny Wiens has decided to return the favour and “bring the flavourless wonders of Canada” to the Mennonite […]

The Daily Bonnet

What’s the 2023 Low German Word of the Year?

November 28, 2023 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Researchers have scoured Jack Thiessen’s Mennonite Low German Dictionary to choose the most appropriate Plautdietsch word for 2023. The word for this year? None other than Domm’heit. “It’s the closest word in our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Library to Place Warning Labels on Edgy Mennonite Lit

November 27, 2023 Andrew

SCHANZENHIMMEL, SK In order to save folks from having to spend three seconds reading the back cover synopsis, the Schanzenhimmel library has decided that edgy Menno lit will now come with a prominent warning label. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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