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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

‘Knackzoat Bear’ Tells the Strange True Story of a Grizzly Hooked on Spitz

February 26, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites have been lined up outside the Altona Not-So-Famous Players Theatre this week to see Knackzoat Bear, a film loosely based on the true story of a Grizzly who consumed an entire bag […]

Unger & Thirst

Adventurous Steinbach Couple Discover Strange Exotic New Restaurant Called Burger King

February 25, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The Unraus of Steinbach are known for being among the most adventurous eaters in town, having “tried scallops once,” and even dined at a non-chain restaurant on two or three occasions. “I guess you […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Calls 911 Because Her Whopper is Not a Big Mac

February 24, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Lines at Steinbach’s brand new Burger King location snaked all the way to Winkler this afternoon, but some locals were not satisfied with what they discovered when they finally arrived at the restaurant. […]

Unger Conviction

Church AGM Scheduled to Coincide with Most Important Game of the Season

February 23, 2023 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Eighth Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas obliged all its members to show up and approve the budget right in the middle of the big game this past week. “Yeah, well, too bad. […]

Unger Games

Jennifer Jones Finds Curlers in Altona

February 22, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Manitoba’s greatest athlete Jennifer Jones has scoured the province for curlers and managed to find a pair in Altona of all places. “People kept telling me, ‘Jennifer, if you want a set of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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