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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Dime Bags of White Sugar

December 10, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona’s most notorious sugar dealer, 83-year-old Edith Braun, has been caught dealing “dime bags” of white sugar in the hallways of Southview Manor. “The street price of white sugar has soared this holiday […]

Unger Games

Journalists Who Falsely Reported Ohtani Blue Jays Signing to Be Given Jobs at The Unger Review

December 9, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Millions of Canadian baseball fans have lost their faith in journalism this weekend after sportswriters falsely reported the signing of superstar Shohei Ohtani by the Toronto Blue Jays. “It’s like you can’t even […]

Unger Games

Blue Jays Sign Ohtani to Hit, Pitch, and Also Quarterback the Argos

December 8, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Shohei Ohtani is set to become Toronto’s first three-way player this week, after agreeing to a massive multi-year contract to hit and pitch for the Blue Jays. His duties will also include quarterbacking […]

Unger Suspicion

Steinbach Man Crashes into Giant Tiger

December 7, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Wildlife specialists were called to downtown Steinbach this week after area man Michael Teichrob, 21, crashed right into a giant tiger on Main Street. “Gosh, I’ve heard of accidents with moose and elk, […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Man Eager to Mow the Lawn this December

December 6, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB With temperatures soaring to Abbotsford levels this winter, Winnipeg man Spencer Wiens has decided it’s time to dust off the old lawnmower and take it for a spin. “I sold my snowblower,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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