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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends All Day at Hardware Store Trying to Find the Wood Stretcher

August 25, 2023 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Abe Epp, Rosthern’s most respected schekjbenjel, spend more than 8 hours at the Home Depot there in Saskatoon trying to find the wood stretcher. “Diewel, I tried the lumber department and nothing. Then […]

The Daily Bonnet

Horse Shit Cleared from City Streets and Moved Online

August 24, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Once known as the City of Horses, you’re now more likely to see a pickup truck or minivan on the streets of Steinbach, Manitoba. This has left city employees with not as much […]

The Daily Bonnet

Federal Liberals Enlist the Amish to Address Housing Crisis

August 23, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Fresh from high level cabinet meetings, the federal Liberal party has come up with a brand new plan to address the nation’s housing crisis–hire the Amish. “I’m sure they can raise a few […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonite Man Shocked to Discover He Already Lives in a ’15-Minute City’

August 22, 2023 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK For several months since he watched a scary YouTube video, area man Mr. Toews has been “very concerned” about the rise of something called ’15-minute cities’, only to discover that as resident […]

Unger the Influence

Vice President Peters? Mennonites Shocked to Discover Joe Biden Using a Mennonite Pseudonym

August 21, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer is demanding to see the unredacted document that link then Vice President Joe Biden to various Mennonite pseudonyms, including Robert Peters, I.P. Fast, and Ona Bender. “We […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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