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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Seniors Start New Baby Boom to Overtake Millennials

February 21, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON A recent Stats Canada study has revealed that Boomers are no longer the dominant generation and are now outnumbered by Millennials. In order to address this concerning trend, Boomers have begun utilizing several […]

Unger & Thirst

McFarmer Sausage Returns to McDonalds After 10-year Hiatus

February 20, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB There were lineups at McDonalds locations across the country this week, as the beloved McFarmer Sausage burger has finally returned. “It’s a boneless pork sandwich just like my Onkel Corny used to make,” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Hired for Wife’s Ability to Play the Piano

February 19, 2024 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK The local church has just hired a new pianist with the added bonus that her husband is willing to be the pastor on Sundays. “You know, when we were looking for a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Introduces New See-Through Coffee

February 18, 2024 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB In an effort to increase “transparency” within the church community, the North Rosenort Mennonite Church will now be serving its innovative new see-through coffee. “Jauma, I can see all the way to the […]

Unger Conviction

Retailers Quick to Cash In as Foot Washing Becomes Latest Gen Z Trend

February 17, 2024 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS It’s the wave that’s sweeping the nation: foot-washing. Millennials, Gen Zers – you name it, they’re doing it. After a popular Super Bowl commercial last week, retailers were quick to capitalize on the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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