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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis Trying to Figure Out When to Throw Out the Christmas Cards

January 11, 2024 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS It’s mid-January and that means Mrs. Brandt is beginning to think about taking down the Christmas cards from her refrigerator. “I think it’s time, but then again, I feel kind of bad. We’ve […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Hockey Fan Really Excited the Jats and K’Nacks are in Farst Place

January 10, 2024 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Midway through the season the Vancouver K’Nacks and Vanapag Jats are at the top of their respective divisions. Local hockey fan Garth Unrau is very excited about this once yet. “K’nacks and Jats […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Launches New Program to Care for Feral Mennonites

January 9, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman, Lois Wiebe, has been caring for Mennonites her whole life. Wiebe, 37, has more than fifteen Mennonites in her house and the number keeps growing since she’s taken in a few […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Starts Innovative New Jazz Label ‘EMC Records’ Guaranteed to Have No Sax

January 8, 2024 Andrew

GDANSK, POLAND Local jazz enthusiast Manfred Engbrecht has just launched a brand new record label called “EMC Records”, with a mandate to produce innovative jazz recordings without any sax. “We want to create jazz that […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee

January 7, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Albert Plett, 51, smashed the record at his local McDonald’s restaurant this week by becoming the first person ever to make it through five McNuggets and a handful of fries without […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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