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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Area Man’s Entire Job Consists of Deleting Stupid Irrelevant Emails

June 10, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB 100% of area man Jeremy Goertzen’s 9 to 5 office job consists of looking through his emails and deleting all the crap. “I don’t do anything else,” said Goertzen, from his Calgary-area office […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tractor Trek Takes Wrong Turn and Ends Up in Downtown Winnipeg

June 9, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Several bags of distracting knackzoat and a couple wrong turns later and the annual Tractor Trek found itself right in the heart of downtown Winnipeg. “I’ve never seen that many Massey Fergusons on […]

Unger & Thirst

Chips Blamed for Kicker’s Accuracy Problems

June 7, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Canadian Football League announced big changes this afternoon after an abysmal performance by Blue Bombers kicker Sergio Castillo last night that was attributed to the presence of chips in the area. “From […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Looking Forward to Those New Smoked Cheese Curds

June 6, 2024 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB It made headlines across the Mennonite world – fire at Bothwell Cheese! Thankfully the headline in The Carillon declared “Cheese Supply safe!” which had Mennonites breathing a sigh of relief … and […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites to Spend ‘Pride Month’ Pretending to be Humble

June 4, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Concerned about the increase in pride during the month of June, several Mennonite churches in the area have vowed to really show off their humility this month instead. “No one’s as humble as […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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