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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

McDonalds Worker is Only Going to Call Your Freakin’ Number One More Time Before She Just Eats it All Herself Already

May 22, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local McDonald’s employee Sarah Buhler says she’s calling order number 2101 just one more time before she goes into the break room and just eats it all herself already. “Order number 2101. Your […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hog Farmer Unconcerned About ChatGPT, Says He’s Been Using AI for Years

May 21, 2024 Andrew

MORRIS, MB Local hog farmer Steve Siemens says he really doesn’t know what the big deal is about this ChatGPT he’s been hearing about, as he’s been using AI for years already. “We’ve been doing […]

Unger Suspicion

Balenciaga Releases New $2000 Shit-Covered Mennonite Rubber Boots

May 20, 2024 Andrew

SAN SEBASTIÁN, SPAIN Luxury Spanish fashion brand Balenciaga has just announced the release of what they call the “Menno Boot”, a farm-used rubber boot caked in cow shit. “And best of all, it’s only $2000,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

High German Mennonite Claims He’s Not Actually All That High

May 18, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Sam Toews, 51, of Morden, Manitoba says he’s sick and tried of all his Plautdietsch-speaking friends in Winkler accusing him of being high all the time. “They’re always asking me what’s in the […]

Unger the Influence

Tucker Carlson Admits He’s Just Been Doing Really Shoddy Satire for the Past 20 Years

May 17, 2024 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA After expressing his undying love and devotion for everyone from Alex Jones to Vladimir Putin, American political commentator Tucker Carlson has finally acknowledged he’s just been trolling everyone for the past couple […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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