AYLMER, ON
Sick and tired to accidentally buying puffed wheat when what they wanted was Froot Loops, Mennonites in Canada are demanding that Low German be added to cereal boxes across the country.
“Plus, it’ll be a good way for Canadians everywhere to learn a little bit of cereal box Plautdietsch,” said Mrs. Toews of Aylmer, Ontario. “I know my children are really looking forward to finally finding out how to say marshmallow in Low German.”
The petition comes just as Canada’s neighbour to the south is demanding that French be removed from cereal boxes.
“I’m not sure how they’ll be able to handle adding yet another language,” said Mrs. Toews. “But I hear if we don’t get this thing settled and fast, a bunch of Mennonites are moving to Peru.”
Once the breakfast cereal boxes are updated to Plautdietsch, Mrs. Toews says she’s going to work on other staples items like Jreewe and Schmaunt Fat.
“We can’t have people mixing up their schmaunt fat with vanilla sauce,” said Mrs. Toews. “These new Low German language laws are going to be a real blessing on everyone.”
