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Month: June 2026

Unger Games

Recently Retired Jonathan Toews Scrambles to Get His Name on the Fernwood Waiting List

June 20, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Days after announcing his retirement from hockey, Winnipeg Jets superstar Jonathan Toews made sure to get his name on the waiting list at Fernwood Place in Steinbach. “You can’t leave it until the […]

Unger Games

Canadians Celebrate as List of ‘Sports We Don’t Suck At’ Balloons to Two

June 18, 2026 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BV Canadian sports fans were left in absolute ecstasy this afternoon after the Canadian Men’s Soccer Team won a match at the World Cup for the first time in history, thus ballooning the number […]

Unger the Influence

Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg

June 17, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC When Annie and Peter Dueck of Altona, Manitoba visited the US capital this week, they couldn’t help but notice something was a little familiar. “Jauma, Annie, look at the reflecting pool,” said Peter. […]

Unger & Thirst

Alberta Man Votes to Stay in Canada After Discovering Honey Dill Sauce

June 15, 2026 Andrew

TABER, AB Area man Gary Froese, 51, has undergone a radical change in heart about Alberta separatism after a trip to a family funeral in Manitoba this week. “We had the raisin buns and cheese […]

Unger Suspicion

Musk Tries Desperately to Squeeze Camel Through Eye of This Needle

June 14, 2026 Andrew

STARBASE, TX Hours after becoming the world’s first trillionaire, Elon Musk was spotted desperately trying to squeeze his pet camel Jacob through the eye of Mrs. Siemens’s sewing needle. “I’m putting all my top engineers […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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