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Month: September 2023

Unger the Influence

Manitoba Plans to Have 2 Million Friesens By the Year 2030

September 18, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Conservative leader Heather Stefanson has laid out her aggressive plan to increase Manitoba’s population to 2 million people by the year 2030 using the province’s most efficient reproduction machine: Friesens. “Really, I’m just […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Who Ate All 183 ‘Burger Week’ Burgers Reveals His Favourite

September 17, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After trying all 183 ‘Le Burger Week’ burgers in Winnipeg, plus another 15 or so out in Steinbach this week, area man Darren Sawatzky has revealed his very favourite. “I didn’t want to […]

Unger Suspicion

50 Cent and Nickelback Team Up to Offer 45 Cent Concert Tickets

September 16, 2023 Andrew

HANNA, AB Rapper 50 Cent and rockers Nickelback are embarking on a cross-continent co-headlining concert tour with prices at just 45 cents a ticket. “We’re going to visit all the small town fall suppers this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Devastated After Attempting Sunday Trip to Chick-fil-A and Hobby Lobby

September 15, 2023 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND The Bueckerts of Winkler had it all planned out. They’d cross the border in Emerson just after the morning service, stop for a quick bite at Chik-fil-A, before spending the rest of […]

Unger Suspicion

Bargain-Hungry Mennonites Fill Arena for 50 Cent Concert

September 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Early estimates indicate “more than half of Winkler” is at the 50 Cent concert in Winnipeg tonight. Never wanting to pass up a bargain, even Winkler’s staunchest country fans were persuaded to take […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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