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Month: February 2022

Unger Conviction

Thousands of Catholics Forced to Become Anabaptists After Priest Says One Wrong Word

February 16, 2022 Andrew

PHOENIX, AZ Thousands of Roman Catholics who were incorrectly baptized by a local priest will have to be rebaptized pronto or risk eternal damnation. “For decades I said ‘we baptize you’ when I should have […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Caught Watching Figure Skating

February 15, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Mr. Noah Eby of Kitchener had to quickly change the channel and pretend to be watching politicians yell at each other, after his wife Mary walked in on him during the pair skating […]

The Daily Bonnet

Morden to Pass Winkler in Population By the Year 2056

February 14, 2022 Andrew

MORDEN, MB At the current rate, Manitoba’s fastest growing city, Morden, will pass rival community Winkler in population by the year 2056, the same year that Mennonite astronauts are set to colonize Jupiter. “Just do […]

Unger Games

Sports Team Sports Their Way to Sportsing Thinger

February 13, 2022 Andrew

SPORTSINGVILLE, CA The Sporters of Sportstown have sportsed their way to the 2022 Sporters Sportinginton Gold Sportsing Cup. “That was some fabulous sportsing by the Cincinatti Sportsers,” said top sportsing sporters Mr. Van Sportslich. “They […]

The Daily Bonnet

10 Amazing Facts About Mennonites According to the 2021 Census

February 12, 2022 Andrew

Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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