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Month: December 2021

Unger & Thirst

Supply Chain Crisis Now Threatening Papsi and Ravels

December 6, 2021 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB The supply chain crisis is now causing a considerable backlog in the Papsi and Ravel supply, such that residents of the small Mennonite town of Kleefeld have resorted to eating dilly bars with […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Desperately Tries to Emulate Hallmark Christmas Movie

December 5, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK The Brauns of Swift Current have overcome a number of predictable obstacles this fall and are now ready to sit around an immaculately-decorated table, sing a few songs, and pretend to get […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Mennonite Thriller ‘Jakes on a Plane’ is Box Office Smash

December 4, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA After unprecedented demand brought on by the direct-to-betamax success of Jakes on a Plane, the Mennonite thriller is now playing at theatres across the globe. “The movie’s been a great success. People are […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Manage to Have 20 Children in 15 Years

December 3, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON No, you’re not misreading the headline. Thanks to some meticulous family planning the Schellenbergs of Leamington have just welcomed their 20th child in the last 15 years. “We did the math,” said Richard […]

Unger & Thirst

Why Canada is Unlocking Its Vault of Rogers Golden Syrup

December 2, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Ahh, Rogers Golden Syrup, aka liquid gold. In more ways than you imagined. It’s a little known fact that Canada keeps a reservoir of Rogers underneath the House of Commons. It’s Canada’s Fort […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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