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Month: July 2021

Unger & Thirst

Entire Package of Saltines Needed to Stomach Mrs. Epp’s Somma Borscht

July 6, 2021 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mr. Penner cruised through an entire package of Premium Plus crackers at the soup and pie fundraiser this week, all in a failed attempt to stomach Mrs. Epp’s dreadful somma borscht. “I […]

Unger Suspicion

Entire Province of Manitoba Hikes ‘Hunt Lake Trail’ All at Once

July 5, 2021 Andrew

WHITESHELL, MB More than a million Manitobans were at Hunt Lake Trail in the Whiteshell this weekend, which provided an additional obstacle for the otherwise challenging trail. “I thought I’d be climbing rocks, roots, and […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Cooks His Wieners a Perfect Medium Rare

July 4, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local gourmet Isaac Unrau of Winnipeg has mastered the art of cooking wieners to that perfect medium rare that everyone enjoys. “I cook my wieners to order,” said Unrau, tending to his Canadian […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Celebrates 150 Years of Passive Aggressive Behaviour

July 3, 2021 Andrew

FRADLIJCHTHAL, SK A local Mennonite church is coming together this weekend to eat dill pickles and commemorate their long-standing commitment to passive aggressive behaviour. “As one of the historic peace churches, we know that this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Rock Band Releases All-Cowbell Version of ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper’

July 2, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Local rock band Prairie Oyster Cult just dropped their brand new single ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper: All Cowbell Version’, which rose to the top of the Goshen rock charts. “I’ve always thought that […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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