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Month: July 2021

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Just Happens to Find Unattended Amazon Packages on Front Doorsteps All Over Town

July 11, 2021 Andrew

VEBRÄATJATHAL, MB Mr. Vebräatja, 47, of Vebräatjathal, Manitoba considers himself the luckiest Mennonite in the region after discovering dozens of unattended Amazon packages on front door steps all over town this weekend. “Waut de hunt […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ditsied Outpaces Jantsied in Race to Get ‘Jeimpft’

July 10, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. Siemens of Winkler has been refreshing the regional vaccine percentage page every few hours or so, trying to see if his Jantsied squad has a chance of catching up with the Ditsieders […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Retires Tobbdüak After Thirty Years of Service

July 9, 2021 Andrew

CAMPO 6A, MEXICO Mrs. Nita Krahn, of Campo 6A, held a lovely retirement ceremony for her favourite tobbdüak this week after the dish cloth could no longer stand up to the rigours of washing the family’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Trashed Entire Neighbourhood When the Canucks Lost Really Upset About a Few Statues Coming Down

July 8, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Dylan Goossen-Schmidt is really upset about the toppling of a few statues in Winnipeg this week, saying that the only justification for property destruction is when your team wins or loses […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Select the Perfect Pair of Crocs for a Night on the Town

July 7, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Sawatzkys of North Kildonan decided to treat themselves to a night on the town this weekend and pulled up to Rae and Jerry’s Steakhouse wearing their finest Crocs. “It’s not every day […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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