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Month: April 2018

Unger & Thirst

‘Hands that Have Prepared It’ Feel Extra Blessed

April 18, 2018 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Mrs. Jansen’s hands are finally starting to feel the effects of having been blessed so often during the years. Thanks to Grandpa Jansen’s rote Sunday lunch prayer, which always included the line, “bless […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tipping Etiquette for Mennonites

April 17, 2018 Andrew

Sometimes it’s hard to navigate the world of tipping etiquette. You tip the pizza delivery guy, but not the paperboy? It can get really confusing and though there’s plenty of advice out there written by […]

Quizzes

Quiz: Can You Tell an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie from a Chocolate Chip Cookie?

April 17, 2018 Andrew

One of the greatest tragedies in any young person’s life is to eagerly bite into what you thought was Oma’s delicious chocolate chip cookie only to discover it’s actually oatmeal raisin. It can be traumatizing […]

Unger Suspicion

Facebook Hires Nosy Mennonite Women to Collect Data on Users

April 15, 2018 Andrew

MENLO PARK, CA Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced Friday that he would be hiring Mrs. Edna Martens, 71, of Reinland, Manitoba and her nine spinster sisters to obtain as much information as they could on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Find Out All the Data Nosy Mrs. Martens Has Collected About You

April 15, 2018 Andrew

After being ordered by United States Congress to inform users about the data being collected on them, ‘The Mrs. Martens Files’ reveal the following information that she’s collected about you: your favourite television show: The […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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