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Month: March 2018

Unger & Thirst

Wild Night Ensues After Mennonite Woman Spikes Schoofly Pie

March 23, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mrs. Miller’s rum-soaked schoofly pie was a big hit at the church coffee and dessert event this past Sunday, as Mennonite seniors went back for seconds, thirds, and, in some cases, even fourths. […]

Unger Suspicion

A Do-it-Yourselfers Guide to Selecting and Constructing the Perfect Border Wall

March 22, 2018 Andrew

Spring is the perfect time to think about upcoming projects around the house. Whether it’s restaining the deck or sweeping out the garage, I’m sure your list is pretty long. But there’s one item that […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pickle Juice Used to Preserve Vladimir Lenin’s Body

March 21, 2018 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA The body of Soviet dictator Vladimir Lenin has been preserved in a Moscow mausoleum since his death in 1924. While many have speculated as to the methods used to keep the body in […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Faces Barrage of Questions After Wife Pulls Up to Church in the Driver’s Seat

March 20, 2018 Andrew

OSLER, SK Mr. and Mrs. George and Aggie Brandt of Osler were held for questioning by the church board this week after pulling onto the parking lot of South Osler Mennonite with Aggie at the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Hides Geocache in Church to Attract New Members

March 19, 2018 Andrew

AKRON, PA In an attempt to be more “missional” and attract new members, Pastor Dave of West Akron Mennonite planted five cleverly hidden geocaches in his church this past Sunday. “It worked out great. We […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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