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Month: September 2017

Unger Games

NFL Team to Hold ‘Conscientious Objector Appreciation Day’

September 8, 2017 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA After decades of going out of their way to associate American football with the United States military, one NFL team has decided to buck that trend and honour Conscientious Objectors, including members of Mennonites, […]

Unger Suspicion

Joke Crosses the Line Yet Again Today

September 7, 2017 Andrew

LINECASTER, PA During a recent stroll through Linecaster, Pennsylvania, Miss Caroline Yoder, a 31-year-old joke and local resident, boldly crossed a line, which had many of the townsfolk sorely upset. The town council immediately called a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Upcoming Hurricanes To Be Given Mennonite Names

September 6, 2017 Andrew

Whether suffering through blizzards in Canada or roasting in the Paraguayan Chaco, Mennonites are well-known for their love of extreme weather. As a result, the World Meteorological Association is greatly concerned about the number of […]

Unger Suspicion

Gangs of Nudists Swarm Winkler

September 5, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Inspired by a recent high-profile nearly-nude shopping trip at the local 7-11, swarms of nudists have taken to the streets of Winkler to express their free-spirited ways. “For decades I thought Morden was […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Honour Heritage of Labourious Spelling Today

September 4, 2017 Andrew

OUTTAWA, ON While our neighbours to the south take the day off today to celebrate the achievements of organized labour in a holiday known as ‘Labor Day,’ Canadians celebrate a completely different holiday called ‘Labour […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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