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Month: February 2017

Unger Suspicion

Knels and Annie Krahn Make Their Oscar Picks

February 26, 2017 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Mennonite television and movie critics, Knels and Annie Krahn of Aylmer, are back to help you fill out your Oscar ballot for the 89th Academy Awards. Best Picture  Knels: “Da two frontrunners are […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lady Totally Wastes Her Allotted Fifteen Minutes of Internet Time

February 25, 2017 Andrew

SCHWAGERSHOF, MB This past Tuesday, local Mennonite woman, Alice Braun, completely wasted her daily allotment of Internet time by looking up chicken salad recipes. “I generously allow her a full quarter of an hour to […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Earns Place in Heaven after Attending Evening Service

February 25, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local man Henry Harder has guaranteed himself a spot in Heaven after successfully attending those really boring Sunday evening church services for twenty years straight. “I’ve made it! I’ve finally made it!” shouted […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Dad’s Jokes Fall Flat at Local Smitty’s

February 24, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local father-of-four Jake Klassen received nothing but rolled eyes at the local Smitty’s this past Sunday after testing out his new comedy routine on the indulgent waitress. “Oh, gosh, Dad, please just order […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Pickers’ Find Treasure Trove at Local Dump

February 24, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The local dump, or nuisance grounds as it’s commonly called by Mennonites, has provided quite the bounty of stupid crap for local pickers Arnold Loewen and Edna Dueck. “They don’t really like us […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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