ANCHORAGE, AK
After three hours of heated meetings, Trump has agreed to sell Alaska back to Russia for just over 7 million dollars.
“No one makes bigger real estate deals than me,” said Trump. “Not even William H. Seward.”
The deal was reportedly struck after there was little to no progress on more pressing matters.
“I couldn’t leave this meeting empty handed,” said Putin. “They say that man’s a master negotiator. Well, I beg to differ.”
The money for the Alaska purchase has already been allocated to put gold toilets in the Oval Office.
“We’ll be making some changes around here,” said Putin. “For starters all the F-150s will be replaced with Ladas.”
Alaskans will be expected to be fluent in Russian by this fall, just in time for the popular kvas-drinking contest.