NEWTON, KS
President Donald Trump is trying to win over the Low German Mennonite vote by promising the most lucrative bribe he could think of – bubbat.
“Quite frankly, I don’t even know what it is,” said Trump. “But I heard the Mennonites go crazy for it, whatever it is.”
If the Republicans win the House and Senate, every Mennonite will be able to load up the back of their F-150 with delicious homemade bubbat straight from the White House kitchen.
“I’ll be learning the lesson from Mrs. Berg of Newton, Kansas,” said Trump. “We’ll be baking and baking from now until November. Gotta be prepared.”
In order to accommodate those with dietary restriction, Trump plans to make the rubout with and without raisins.
“I don’t want to miss out on any votes just because someone doesn’t like raisins,” said Trump. “When determining who to vote for, we can’t let raisins become a deterrent to accepting a bribe, I mean voting correctly.”
The President is also considering winning over the Pennsylvania Dutch vote with promises of delicious pickled pig’s feet.
