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The Daily Bonnet

Bump of Packed Down Snow at the End of Mr. Penner’s Driveway Declared Manitoba’s Highest Peak

February 7, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A one foot tall mound of packed down snow on Mr. Penner’s driveway has been officially declared the tallest mountain in Manitoba. “Move over Baldy Mountain, my driveway is king now!” said a […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Construction Crew Lasts Almost 20 Minutes Without a Vulgar Comment

June 16, 2017 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB A local residential construction crew set a new Manitoba record this past week by lasting a full twenty minutes in between obscene, vulgar, or otherwise tasteless remarks. Between 10:03, when Darryl recounted in […]

Unger & Thirst

Lemonade Stand Money Goes Directly to Dad

June 12, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Like all money generated by any member of the Wiens family, the income produced by Susie and Danny’s lemonade stand this weekend went directly to their father. “If they’re living under my […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Politician Pushes for $0.15 Minimum Wage

June 3, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Local Mennonite MPP Allan Schultz is calling for the Ontario government to set the minimum wage at 15 cents an hour, a rate he claims is a lot more than he “got for […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Works His Usual 18 Hours on Labour Day

September 5, 2016 Andrew

YARROW, BC Exhibiting the most extreme manifestation of the “Protestant work ethic,” local butcher Helmut Siemens of Yarrow spent every waking moment making farmer sausage this Labour Day. “I don’t take a day off unless it’s the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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