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winter

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Groundhog Predicts Early Paska Buns this Year

February 2, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler Willie, the Mennonite world’s most famous groundhog, has just announced there will be an early spring this year, meaning southern Manitobans will be able to enjoy paska buns sooner rather than later. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Has Friesen Toews

January 21, 2024 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK After a cold snap in Rosthern, Saskatchewan, Mrs. Anita Friesen has resorted to double and even triple-socking her feet to prevent her Toews from Friesen. “My Toews Froese Fast,” said Friesen. “They were […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis Trying to Figure Out When to Throw Out the Christmas Cards

January 11, 2024 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS It’s mid-January and that means Mrs. Brandt is beginning to think about taking down the Christmas cards from her refrigerator. “I think it’s time, but then again, I feel kind of bad. We’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

Counting Crows Launch New Fragrance ‘The Smell of Hospitals in Winter’

December 27, 2023 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA 90s rockers Counting Crows have finally released a fragrance befitting their 1996 hit song “A Long December.” “For almost 30 years, our fans have wondered about the ‘smell of hospitals in winter’ […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Wearing North Face Jacket Forced to Walk Backwards Everywhere

December 21, 2023 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Area man Garth Bergen, 41, has discovered that ever since he bought that North Face jacket this fall, he can’t help himself but walk backwards everywhere. “I don’t know what it is,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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