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The Daily Bonnet

New Winkler Costco to Open Up on West End of Winnipeg

February 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler is finally getting its own Costco store, which will be conveniently located just an hour and a half away in Winnipeg. “Finally, Winkler’s getting a Costco!” proclaimed local man John Penner. “It’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Luckiest Mennonite Woman Scores ‘George’ and ‘Joe Fresh’ Blouses at Local Thrift Store

September 15, 2024 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Mrs. Carol Ens could not believe her luck this week at the local thrift store after she discovered several “name brand” blouses on the rack. “Would you look at that! George brand! […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends All Day Fighting with Automatic Paper Towel Dispenser

July 14, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Mr. Eby of Waterloo spent more than 6 hours at his local Walmart this afternoon trying to get the automatic paper towel dispenser to recognize him. “It’s worse than milking a cow,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Labelled a “Feminist” for Not Trailing 10 Feet Behind Her Husband at All Times

July 5, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Sarah Warkentin, 33, of Winkler made headlines this week after she was spotted standing right beside her husband as the couple exited their Dodge Caravan and, according to sources, stayed beside him […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mr. Penner Can’t Believe He’s Now in Charge of Walmart

June 13, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After “reading somewheres” about his “frintschoft Greg Penner who’s in charge of all the Valmarts,” Mr. Penner of Vankla decided his familial connection earned him a few privileges. “Time for some changes around here […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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