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toronto

Unger Games

Maple Leafs Hire Loblaws CEO Galen Weston to Artificially Inflate Fan Expectations

May 13, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A few short days after being tossed from the playoffs and firing yet another head coach, the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced the signing of Loblaws CEO Galen Weston, renowned across the country […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Pastor Pulled After Just 47 Pitches

October 5, 2023 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Despite being less than five minutes into his Sunday morning sermon, Pastor Barry was pulled from the service and replaced with a left-handed pastor. “I can’t figure out why Elder Schneider came to […]

Unger Suspicion

Taylor Swift Announces Massive Countrywide Tour of Toronto

August 3, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The prayers of Swifties across Canada have been answered this week after Taylor Swift announced a 6-date cross-country tour of the Rogers Centre in Toronto. “We’re sending our tunes all across the nation, […]

Unger the Influence

Daring Young Women Brave Enough to Wave Canadian Flag in Nation’s Capital

July 9, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Two young women, Beatrice Penner, 21, and Agatha Plett, 24, braved the streets of Toronto earlier this week to show off their nation’s colours. “I was worried people would think we were the […]

Unger Suspicion

What a $5 Million House Looks Like in Toronto

June 25, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON With interest rates rising and the housing market starting to cool, realtors are now calling it a buyer’s market. Nowhere is this more evident than in Toronto where a mere $5 million will […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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