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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Loses Thousands Betting on Replays of Last Year’s Football Games

June 20, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mr. Unger was so excited to finally be able to watch some Canadian football games this week that he bet his friend Mr. Toews more than ten thousand dollars that the Ticats […]

Unger Games

NHL Says 11 Players Have Tested Positive for Mullets

June 19, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY The 2020 NHL season is in grave doubt this week after the league announced that 11 players have already tested positive for mullets. “After reopening arenas and practice facilities on June 8, […]

Unger Games

Brandon Wheat Kings Qualify for Expanded NHL Playoffs

May 26, 2020 Andrew

BRANDON, MB NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced an expanded NHL playoff schedule that will include more than three thousand teams, including the Brandon Wheat Kings, Winkler Flyers, and Avangard Omsk. “After all the hardship we’ve […]

Unger Games

New ‘Chief Medical Officer’ Trading Cards are Flying Off the Shelves

April 16, 2020 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB With no sports to watch at the moment, the provincial Chief Medical Officers have become the nation’s new idols, with children and adults alike enthusiastically following their every move. One local company has […]

Unger Games

This Year’s Stanley Cup to be Awarded to NHL’s Most Deserving Fans

March 26, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Since the cancellation of the NHL season is more-or-less a foregone conclusion by now, NHL executives have decided to award the Stanley Cup to the league’s most deserving fanbase, the Winnipeg Jets. “We […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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