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The Daily Bonnet

NASA Report: Mennonites Live in Parallel Universe Where Time Runs Backwards

May 23, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Observations into deep space have recently uncovered strong evidence that Mennonites are all living in a parallel universe where time runs backwards. “According to our studies, it seems that the Big Bang created […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Amish Village at Night’ as Seen from International Space Station

May 9, 2020 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA The International Space Station has just posted stunning new photographs of a small Pennsylvania Amish village. “It’s amazing all the detail you can see from that distance,” said space station director Yuri Baranov. […]

The Daily Bonnet

NASA Commemorates Historic “First Mennonite on the Moon”

November 8, 2019 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS NASA paused for moment of silence this morning in recognition of the 50 year anniversary of the historic landing of Mennonites on the moon. Mennonites made the voyage in 1969 and have been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man is Expanding Faster and is a Billion Years Younger than Previously Thought

April 27, 2019 Andrew

DALMENY, SK Scientists at the University of Dalmeny have discovered new evidence that suggests that Elder Voth is between 12.5 billion and 13 billion years old, rather than 13.6 billion as previously thought. “We’ve also […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Couple Plans ‘Nice, Warm, Tropical Vacation’ on Mars

January 28, 2019 Andrew

MARS After temperatures in Winnipeg drop below -30 degrees, local couple, Lois and Peter Doerksen, decided they “had enough of the cold” and are packing their bags and heading for the “balmy weather of Mars.” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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