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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Agrees to Annual Meddachschlop for Her Henry’s Birthday

October 18, 2019 Andrew

CHORTITZ, SK Mrs. Funk, 61, had nearly forgotten about her promise for their annual meddachschlop this afternoon, until her Henry reminded her it was his birthday. “Ah, okay, yes, Henry, is it that time of […]

Unger Conviction

Time Between Ceremony and Reception Extended to Torture Wedding Guests

September 21, 2019 Andrew

JANSEN, NE Guests at the Reimer-Claassen wedding this weekend were treated to a torturous five-hour gap between the ceremony and reception so that the couple could “take pictures.” “There’s nothing to do out here. We’re […]

Unger Suspicion

Embarrassed Manitoba Premier Seeks Treatment for Premature Election

June 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Yes, men, it happens to everybody. Even the Premier of Manitoba. Once thought to have the “strength and stamina of a mule,” this week Premier Pallister suffered an embarrassing bout of premature election. […]

The Daily Bonnet

“I’ll be there for sex”: Mennonite Man’s Text Gives the Wrong Impression

May 22, 2019 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Local man Corny Klassen, 63, texted his friend Abe explaining that he’d be at his house for six o’clock to pick up the chickens. Unfortunately, Abe got the wrong impression from the message. […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Knipsbrat and Chill???’: Mennonite Woman Receives Late Night Text

April 16, 2019 Andrew

YARROW, BC Helen Poetker, 47, of Yarrow, BC received an unusual text from her on-again off-again boyfriend Heinrich this past week. The text, which was sent sometime after 1 in the morning said, “Been a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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