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sex

Unger & Thirst

First Time In-N-Out Customers Accidentally Order “Doggie Style” Burger

August 26, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Lois and Pete Janzen were visiting their cousins in Fresno, California this week when they decided to try the only burger place that has Bible verses on the cups. “Naturally, if you’re in […]

Unger Suspicion

‘X’ Rebranded as ‘PG-13’ for Sensitive Mennonites

July 30, 2023 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Realizing he had unintentionally alienated a sizeable chunk of potential users, X CEO Elon Musk has launched a new PG-13 App especially for Mennonites. “Rest assured, there’s not a single exposed ankle or […]

Unger the Influence

Canadian Prime Minister Declines Offer to Have Sex with Protestor

July 17, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON A memo released by the PMO this week has finally provided a response to the hundreds of offers for intimate relations with the Prime Minister of Canada that have arisen over the past […]

Daily Bonnet

Beloved Mennonite Sex Educator to Be Honoured at Church this Sunday

July 3, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Renowned Mennonite sex educator Susanna Janzen, 91, will be honoured at the morning service this Sunday for her tireless dedication to keep Mennonites from finding out anything about sex until well after […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chaste Young Mennonite Man Fully Intends to Pay Before He Pumps

June 2, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Guillermo Wiens, 19, was absolutely flummoxed by the “pay before you pump” sign at the local gas station this afternoon. “Why would such a sign even be necessary?” wondered Wiens. “What […]

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