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pacifism

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Delighted to Receive Gently Used Nobel Peace Prize

January 18, 2026 Andrew

CORN, OK Area woman Susie Driedger, 73, was delighted to receive a gently used Nobel Peace Prize this week, which she plans to shred into pieces and use as a Brillo pad. “It has hardly […]

Unger the Influence

Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country

January 11, 2026 Andrew

ST. JACOB’S, ON The federal government was shocked and dismayed with the results after more than $1.2 billion were spent to buyback guns in Mennonite country, with very little success.  “After months of the Mennonite […]

Unger Conviction

Canada to Increase Peace and Pacifism Budget to 5% of GDP

August 31, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After pressure from the country’s Mennonite population, the government of Canada has decided to reallocate its entire military budget into efforts to promote peace and pacifism. “Our goal is to spend 5% of […]

Unger Suspicion

Innocent Civilian Super Grateful to Have House Bombed in Name of Freedom

June 23, 2025 Andrew

SOME CITY YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF, COUNTRY YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT An innocent civilian in some other country is super grateful to all the foreign powers who decided the best way to bring about his […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Shunned After Returning from Zurich with Swiss Army Knife

May 31, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND Area man Dave Kehler immensely enjoyed his time at the Anabaptism 500 celebrations in Zurich this week, but the pleasant festivities contrasted with the rather unfriendly greeting he received on his arrival back […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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