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The Daily Bonnet

A List of Every Mannanite Film Ever Nominated for Bast Picture

January 24, 2023 Andrew

BY: JAKOB PLATT, FALM AXPERT Oba, so the only movies I aver saw were at the Game and Fish Days there in Schteinback or maybe at the John Deere dealer. This makes me the most […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Sign Top Free Agent Enforcer Will Smith

April 3, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Desperately needing to shore up their physical game if they have any shot at the playoffs, the lowly Winnipeg Jets inked the hottest enforcer currently available – Will Smith. “I’m not sure how […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man ‘Conscientiously Objects’ to Watching the Oscars

March 28, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Citing his pacifist principles, Mr. Gordon Eby, 71, of Kitchener has submitted a formal written request to enter into “alternative service” during next year’s Oscar Party. “As a member of a historic peace […]

Unger Suspicion

Hollywood Actor Presented with Annual “Even More Self-Righteous than a Mennonite” Award

February 11, 2020 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The annual Hollywood Self-Righteousness Awards were handed out on Sunday, with the top designation ‘Even More Self-Righteous than a Mennonite’ going to actor Joaquin Phoenix. “I’d like to thank the Academy of Unwarranted […]

Unger Suspicion

Ricky Gervais Roasts “Mennonite Elites” at Annual Sunday School Attendance Awards

January 8, 2020 Andrew

HOLMES COUNTY, OH The cream of the crop of the Mennonite world gathered at the Holmes County Motel 6 this week to celebrate the annual Sunday School Attendance Awards. The evening is normally a celebration […]

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SATIRE BY ANDREW UNGER, AUTHOR OF THE DAILY BONNET

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