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music

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Hymn Wins Eurovision Song Contest

May 23, 2025 Andrew

BASEL, SWITZERLAND A seventeenth century German hymn popular with Mennonites has won the 2025 Eurovision song contest. “Normally, we only accept newly-written songs, but we figured this one had enough age on it that we […]

Unger the Influence

Rolling Stones Announce New More Youthful Lead Singer Joe Biden

July 21, 2024 Andrew

LONDON, UK It didn’t take long for President Joe Biden to find a new job–lead singer of legendary rock band The Rolling Stones. “You can’t always get what you want and Mick was getting long […]

The Daily Bonnet

Germans Excited for ‘Taylor Schnell’ Concert

July 11, 2024 Andrew

HAMBURG, GERMANY Local music fans are lining up outside the Volksparkstadion in Hamburg this afternoon to witness pop star Taylor Schnell. “Schnell! Schnell! Get on the train,” yelled train attendant Olga Kaiserbun. “All aboard for […]

The Daily Bonnet

Royal Watchers Accidentally Show Up at William Prince Concert

March 5, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The last time retired couple Tina and Jake Neufeld of Steinbach encountered royalty was more than fifty years ago when the Queen paid a visit to their hometown of Steinbach. Now in their […]

Unger Suspicion

Taylor Swift Announces New Album: ‘Tortured Mennonite Poets Department’

March 3, 2024 Andrew

WEST READING, PA Pop sensation Taylor Swift is venturing into new territory on her forthcoming 11th album – tortured Mennonite poets. “Of all the poets out there, I think the Mennonite poets are the most […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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