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movies

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Desperately Tries to Emulate Hallmark Christmas Movie

December 5, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK The Brauns of Swift Current have overcome a number of predictable obstacles this fall and are now ready to sit around an immaculately-decorated table, sing a few songs, and pretend to get […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Mennonite Thriller ‘Jakes on a Plane’ is Box Office Smash

December 4, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA After unprecedented demand brought on by the direct-to-betamax success of Jakes on a Plane, the Mennonite thriller is now playing at theatres across the globe. “The movie’s been a great success. People are […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top Ten Mennonite Movies of 2021

November 20, 2021 Andrew

It was a great year for Menno movies! Mask requirements meant that millions of Mennonites could attend their local movie houses without any possible way of being identified by the church elders sitting across the […]

Unger Suspicion

New Movie Stars Matt Damon as the Last Ever Dueck

November 18, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Spoiler Alert. Matt Damon dies at the end of The Last Dueck. Or maybe he doesn’t? I guess you’ll just have to see which of the Duecks survive in this brand new film […]

Unger Suspicion

Critics Call New ‘Dueck’ Movie Just a Rip-off of ‘Star Wars’

November 11, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Although many have praised the performance of young star Timothéeeeeeeee Schellenmet, critics have found many parallels between the new Dueck movie and its clear influence Star Wars. “It’s like Star Wars except they’re […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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