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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandma Disappoints Children with Honest Birthday Cards

February 16, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Doerksen, 81, of Altona has decided to cut to the chase for birthdays this year and write in big bold letters on the outside of each envelope, “No money enclosed.” “I don’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Calculating the True Cost of Vereniki

February 15, 2020 Andrew

Too often as consumers we are only looking at the sticker price. However, to truly get a sense of the economic, social, and environmental impact of our consumption, we have to factor in all the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandpa Now Charging $8 for Five Minute Piggyback Ride

February 9, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The entrepreneurial spirit of Mennonites will never die it seems, as Mr. Sawatzky of Winkler is now charging eight bucks a ride for a trip around the church lobby and back. “Your back […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Desperately Needs Life Coach to Become Life Coach

January 24, 2020 Andrew

AKRON, PA Local man Dwayne Funk, 41, who has spent the last 20 years of adult life doing absolutely nothing of worth and whose life is still, to this day, just barely hanging on by […]

Unger Suspicion

Generous Jeff Bezos Donates Two Thimbles and a Couple Spools of Thread to Mennonite Quilt Charity

January 19, 2020 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Already hailed as the “world’s most generous billionaire” after donating the equivalent to what he earns in five minutes to help with Australian wildfires, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has now donated two thimbles […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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