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marijuana

Unger Suspicion

Trudeau Really Hoping ‘Everyone Is Way Too High to Notice Scandal’

February 28, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Knowing he was soon going to face the biggest scandal of his political career, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made sure Canadians “had a few months to get nice and toasted” before the […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers to Vote on Whether to Legalize Romaine Lettuce

November 25, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After dozens of people have taken ill from E. coli-tainted romaine lettuce, Steinbach city council decided it was time to see how locals felt about this dangerous and addictive substance. “We’re gonna do […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada Pays Off Entire Federal Debt One Day After Marijuana Legalization

October 18, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Less than 24 hours after cannabis became legal in Canada, the federal government announced they had made so much money in tax revenue from the sale of legal weed that they were able […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Mennonites Lineup to Get Their Hands on Legal Platz

October 17, 2018 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Ten of thousands of Mennonites across Canada have been lining up outside platz shops today to get their hands on legal platz for the first time in nearly 100 years. “It’s a […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada Day Ruined as Stoned Singer Totally Butchers ‘Oh Canada’

July 1, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Thousands gathered in Ottawa today to celebrate the nation’s birthday. However, more than a few people, including one of the anthem singers, were in the city to celebrate a little more than just […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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