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The Daily Bonnet

Carney Sends Mennonite Delegates to Negotiate with the EU

September 16, 2026 Andrew

STRASBOURG, FRANCE Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney has decided to send the descendants of Mennonite delegates Jakob Hoeppner and Johann Bartsch to negotiate a privilegium with the EU. “Understanding the importance of these meetings, we […]

Unger Conviction

Felix Manz, Forgotten Second Rebaptizer, Declared “Buzz Aldrin” of the Anabaptists

January 22, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND In the Mennonite world, absolutely everyone knows the name of George Blaurock, the first person to get rebaptized way back in 1525. We all sat around our television sets as he ventured into […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Dentist Concerned About Plaque

July 6, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After taking a historic walking tour of Steinbach, Manitoba this weekend, local dentist D.K. Tahn expressed concerns about all the plaques he saw around town. “There was a Barkman plaque and a Reimer […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Embarks on Worldwide ‘Eras Tour’

November 25, 2023 Andrew

FERNHEIM COLONY, PARAGUAY Pastor Dave R. Schmidt of Fernheim Colony, Paraguay has just announced a worldwide ‘Eras Tour’ during which he plans to preach sermons and sing songs representing 500 years of Mennonite history and […]

Daily Bonnet

The Roman Empire: Why Mennonites Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

September 20, 2023 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK According to a viral trend on TikTok, Mennonites think about the Roman Empire three or four times a week, more often than food, sex, or even church. “It’s shocking. I had no idea,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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