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health

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Karen Accidentally Wears Mask Up Over Her Nose

July 16, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A local Karen had full intentions of making life as difficult as possible for all the minimum wage workers of Altona, when she accidentally walked into the Co-op this afternoon with her mask […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Sprays WD-40 on His Achey Elbow

July 15, 2021 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mr. Peter Stobbe of La Crete had tried just about everything the trajchtmoaka prescribed, but nothing, just nothing, would solve that chronic ache in his elbow until he tried a spritz of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Sells ‘Amazing Miracle Elixir’ that Cures Gullibility

July 12, 2021 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB Renowned local trajchtmoaka Abe Unger has generated a lot of excitement in southern Manitoba this week with the release of his “amazing new miracle elixir that’ll cure you of everything from gullibility to taking […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ditsied Outpaces Jantsied in Race to Get ‘Jeimpft’

July 10, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. Siemens of Winkler has been refreshing the regional vaccine percentage page every few hours or so, trying to see if his Jantsied squad has a chance of catching up with the Ditsieders […]

The Daily Bonnet

Supersite Workers Promise Not to Comment on Your Farmer’s Tan

June 26, 2021 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Workers at southern Manitoba vaccine supersites have been offered three weeks in “sensitivity training” including a full week program on resisting the urge to comment on Mr. Penner’s farmer’s tan. “We know that […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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