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health

Unger & Thirst

Visitor to Winkler Gets Severe Case of Mennozuma’s Revenge

July 8, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Failing to heed the warnings not to drink the water, Mr. Peters of Steinbach was left with a severe case of what he described as “stomach problems” after a recent visit to Winkler. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Fakes Injury to Avoid Church this Morning

July 1, 2018 Andrew

MENNO COLONY, PARAGUAY Guillermo Toews, 26, of Menno Colony went down with an injury early this morning, but slo-motion replay shows he’s “clearly just faking it to avoid going to church.” “We’ve seen this kind […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Man’s Fingers Permanently Stained By Ketchup Chips

June 25, 2018 Andrew

MISSISSAUGA, ON Local man Peter Lehman, 39, of Mississauga has been left permanently disfigured this week after eating ketchup chips. According to Lehman, after an hourlong session during which time he ate two bags of […]

Unger & Thirst

How to Get That Perfect Mennonite ‘Dad Bod’ You Always Wanted

June 17, 2018 Andrew

Shocking as the results may be, surveys suggest the majority of women prefer a ‘Dad bod’ to a more well-sculpted physique. Therefore, in an effort to kindle some romance this summer, The Daily Bonnet has […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Permanently Stuck in Downward Dog

June 9, 2018 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Local woman and novice yoga practitioner Sarah Martens, 31, was unable to get herself out of the downward dog position at class last week. After an hour of trying to maneuver herself into […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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