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health

Unger & Thirst

Recent Overdoses in Altona May Be Linked to Star Anise

July 17, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Three Mennonite men have been released from Altona Hospital this past week following consumption of Aunt Bertha’s chicken noodle soup which police say may have been laced with excessive amounts of star anise. “This […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Woman Spontaneously Combusts After Venturing Outside the Perimeter

July 12, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Every Winnipegger’s biggest fear came true last night as one brave soul ventured outside the Perimeter and did not return. Set to become the first Winnipegger ever to leave the city limits to […]

Unger & Thirst

Visitor to Winkler Gets Severe Case of Mennozuma’s Revenge

July 8, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Failing to heed the warnings not to drink the water, Mr. Peters of Steinbach was left with a severe case of what he described as “stomach problems” after a recent visit to Winkler. […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Man’s Fingers Permanently Stained By Ketchup Chips

June 25, 2018 Andrew

MISSISSAUGA, ON Local man Peter Lehman, 39, of Mississauga has been left permanently disfigured this week after eating ketchup chips. According to Lehman, after an hourlong session during which time he ate two bags of […]

Unger & Thirst

How to Get That Perfect Mennonite ‘Dad Bod’ You Always Wanted

June 17, 2018 Andrew

Shocking as the results may be, surveys suggest the majority of women prefer a ‘Dad bod’ to a more well-sculpted physique. Therefore, in an effort to kindle some romance this summer, The Daily Bonnet has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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