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health

Unger Suspicion

Massive E-Scooter Outbreak Strikes Southern Manitoba

October 7, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbach, Manitoba has experienced a massive e-scooter outbreak this summer as thousands of locals have taken to the streets and sidewalks in an effort to disregard their own safety or the safety of […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Fakes Injury to Avoid Church this Morning

June 27, 2026 Andrew

MENNO COLONY, PARAGUAY Guillermo Toews, 26, of Menno Colony went down with an injury early this morning, but slo-motion replay shows he’s “clearly just faking it to avoid going to church.” “We’ve seen this kind […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Implements Needle Exchange Program for Knitting-Addicted Grandmas

April 25, 2026 Andrew

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA The small Mennonite town of Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania has become the first community in the nation to introduce a knitting needle exchange program for local grandmas. Starting this January, local knitters will be able […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Families Sign-Up to Bring Salads, Buns, and Measles to Upcoming Potluck

November 17, 2025 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB The Schratjlijch Gospel Church is inviting everyone to stay after church this Sunday for a delicious potluck, including raisin buns, mashed potatoes, and a delectable array of Jell-o salads and measles. “You’re not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Suspected of Dancing After Being Scheduled for Hip Replacement

November 10, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Timothy Berg, 70, has been called before the elder board to “explain his actions” after word got out that he’s just been put on the waiting list for a hip replacement. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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