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excommunication

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Hires Coldplay to Help Spot the Sinners

July 20, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Attendees at a local Mennonite church will be on their best behaviour from now on as the church has blown their entire budget to hire English rock band Coldplay to help identify […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Gather in Winnipeg to Decide which Writer to Excommunicate Next

June 12, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB While scholars and writers gather at Canadian Mennonite University this weekend for the 2025 Mennonite/s Writing Conference, another gathering is taking place across the city with an entirely different purpose. “Mennonite writers are […]

Unger the Influence

Congress Hire Mennonites to Shun George Santos

December 2, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After voting to expel corrupt House Representative George Santos this week, Congress has recruited a few folks who were experts in using social rejection as a form of punishment – Mennonites. “We don’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ex-Mennonite Accidentally Leans Over Onto the Non-Shunned Table

April 18, 2021 Andrew

GRUENBACH, MB Peter Barkman, 41, left the church decades ago and found himself at a Barkman gathering this weekend where he was placed at the heathen table, which was right next to the other table […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Minister Excommunicates Entire Congregation

October 7, 2020 Andrew

NUMIDIA, PA Minister Miller of West Side Numidia Mennonite Church has been excommunicating an errant couple every week for the past three years and just this Sunday he realized that he was the only one […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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