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election

The Daily Bonnet

Early Results Show Mennonite Pastor in Commanding Lead

November 8, 2016 Andrew

DAYTON, VA After just seventeen votes counted, CNN reports that Reverend Johan Wisler has a commanding lead for Presidency of the United States. “This is a complete shocker,” said CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “Based on these […]

Unger Suspicion

Voters Head to the Polls to Select the 45th Lesser Evil of the United States

November 8, 2016 Andrew

PARIS, TX In a potentially historic election, American voters will head to the polls today to select the new Lesser Evil of the United States. “I’m confused,” said local rancher and undecided voter Dwight Owens, 37, of […]

Unger Suspicion

For Some Strange Reason Canadians are Really Excited About A Foreign Country’s Presidential Election

October 26, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Canadians from coast-to-coast have been glued to their television sets this fall watching coverage of the upcoming Presidential election in Bulgaria. “Canadians can’t get enough of the bickering back and forth between frontrunners […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Elected President of Ecuador

May 24, 2016 Andrew

QUITO, ECUADOR Local Good Samaritan Mark Reimer will be sworn in as President of Ecuador in a ceremony to take place this July in the small fishing village of Puerto Lopez. “I’m working on my Spanish,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Still ‘Feeling the Bern’

May 23, 2016 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Mennonite deacon and family man Larry Hiebert, 33, is desperately holding onto any last thread of hope that Bernie Sanders has of winning the Democratic nomination. Hiebert was at the front of the crowd when Sanders […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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