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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Celebrates 500 Years of Anabaptism By Getting Baptized 500 Times

January 20, 2025 Andrew

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS Devout Mennonite and local tulip farmer Aldert Alderliesten decided he would commemorate 500 years of Anabaptism by setting the Guinness World Record for most successive baptisms. “The previous record was George Blaurock in […]

Unger Games

Organizers Apologize For Parody of Rembrandt Mennonite Painting During Olympic Opening Ceremony

July 29, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE An alleged mockery of the most sacred painting in the Mennonite art canon has come under fire this week, calling for boycotts of the Olympic games by various Mennonite groups. The painting in […]

Unger Suspicion

Heintje to Perform at Faspa this Sunday

May 24, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After repeated requests from his Mennonite fans in southern Manitoba, Dutch recording star Heintje is set to perform at faspa this Sunday. Mrs. Bueckert, chairperson of the Altona Heintje Appreciation Society, was especially […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Russian Mennonite’ Shocked to Discover He’s Actually Dutch

January 22, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Arnold F. Thiessen, 81, like many Mennonites in western Canada, spent his entire life under the false impression that he was a ‘Russian’. “All these years I’ve been eating borscht, cheering […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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