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Unger the Influence

Federal Court Says Trudeau’s Use of Pineapple on Pizza was “Unjustified”

January 26, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON A federal judge has just ruled that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau brazenly violated the rights of several pizzas in 2022 by placing pineapple right there next to the ham. “Given the circumstances, I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba to be Renamed Mennotoba

August 27, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a 7-2 decision this past week, the Supreme Court of Manitoba has voted to change the name of the province to Mennotoba … in honour of the Friesens. “There are more Friesens […]

Unger Games

Canadian Supreme Court Rules ‘Curling is a Real Sport’

October 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled today that “curling is actually a real sport, eh.” “Weighing all the evidence, it’s quite clear that curling is a sport,” said Judge […]

Unger Suspicion

“Oops, My Bad,” Say Democrats Who Forgot to Codify Roe v. Wade for Almost 50 Years

June 26, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Crocodile tears were flowing at Democratic Party headquarters this week, as the men in charge of the party, realized that, yet again, they’d been paying lip service to an idea without doing anything […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Supreme Court Rules Life Begins at Baptism

June 25, 2022 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The Mennonite Supreme Court in Zurich ruled 5-4 this weekend that “life begins at baptism around the age of 18 just before you get married.” “If you’re not a baptized member of the […]

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