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cold

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Unveils New “Choir of the Runny Noses”

October 2, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON After two years of suppressing every cough, sneeze, and sniffle, the folks at Third Mennonite Church of Kitchener have decided to let it all out and make a joyful noise unto the Lord. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Woman Wears Face Mask Just to Keep Warm

December 19, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Local woman Rachel Driedger, 23, doesn’t bother to take her face mask off, even when she’s outdoors, not with temperatures dropping to -20 this week. “It’s better than a scarf,” says Driedger. “I […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Beaches to Open This Weekend After Temperatures Soar to -15!

February 13, 2019 Andrew

LAKE WINNIPEG, MB Manitobans have been sporting swimwear this entire week after temperatures reached daytime highs of -15 degrees celsius. The temperatures are so unseasonably warm that beaches will be opening early this year. “It’ll […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gets Out the Booster Cables After Horse Doesn’t Start

January 31, 2019 Andrew

VITA, MB After a bitter cold night with temperatures well below zero, Mr. Dueck’s entire team of horses just wouldn’t start in the morning. “Usually Martha reminds me to plug them in, but I guess […]

The Daily Bonnet

Entire Province of Manitoba ‘Moving to BC’

January 30, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a near record-setting cold snap, the entire province of Manitoba has decided to pack their bags and move in with the Doerksens of Abbotsford. “The Trans-Canada Highway going west is jam-packed,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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