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The Daily Bonnet

Surly Mennonite Man Plans to Ruin Christmas for All the Children at Church Tonight

December 24, 2016 Andrew

TANNENAU, MB A zealous Mennonite man at the local EMBBM church will be taking time out of his busy schedule of handing out tracts to strangers at the mall, to stop and tell each and […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Infant Asks to Be Baptized Upon Confession of Her Faith

December 17, 2016 Andrew

WICHITA, KS This past Sunday, an eight-month old Mennonite baby in Wichita, Kansas became the youngest child ever to be baptized upon confession of her faith. “At North Wichita MBCM church we take seriously the Anabaptist […]

Unger Conviction

Parents Punish Misbehaving Children By Forcing Them To Attend Annual Saengerfest

December 14, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area parents Pete and Carol Penner were so “completely fed-up” with the “bad attitudes” exhibited by their three young children during dinner time that they decided to inflict upon them the strictest punishment known […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penners Attempt to Outbreed Reimers

November 23, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a bold move of solidarity, Penners across North America have pledged to do their part to have more babies than the Reimers. “We’re sick and tired of the Reimers outnumbering us in […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Performs First Ever Infant Baptism

September 20, 2016 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The first infant baptism in the history of the Mennonite church was performed last Sunday in Newton, Kansas, as a local pastor used a little too much water in his pouring of 24-year-old expectant […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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